There are few things scarier than seeing your spouse taken away in an ambulance. I experienced this reality check earlier this evening. We had enjoyed a goofy night with the kids…burgers & baked french fries, crazy gymnastics moves, singing & dancing to stuff on youtube, wrestling matches in the living room. After putting the kids to bed, we settled down to watch a movie. About half way through the movie, we pause it for a minute so he can get a drink. He goes into the kitchen, drinks a glass of milk, and comes out looking scared. I ask him if he’s okay. He says his heart is feeling funny…like it used to when he was a kid. (He had bouts of SVT when he was younger.) I attempted to get him to sit or lie down, but he was anxious about it and was pacing. I got him to stop for a moment and I placed my ear to his chest only to hear and feel his heart racing like crazy. We waited a few minutes to see if it would stop. When it didn’t, I called 911.

It took 12 minutes for the ambulance to get here…which seemed like eternity. They took him out to the ambulance to check him out, and then 15 minutes later drove away. That is when I broke. The house was silent. I could hear typical nighttime noises from outside, but inside nothing. No creaking from kids turning in their sleep, no hum of the air conditioner, nothing. The silence hit me like a freight train, and I shattered it with a single sob. I allowed tears to slip out quietly as to not wake up any of the kids. I knew he would be okay. That God has His hand on our family. That He has plans for us in action. That He is our strength. But when something unexpected and scary happens, the grip of fear and the unknown is almost paralyzing. I composed myself, called my mom to just talk to someone so I didn’t totally freak out, called a friend about either sitting w/ the kids while I went up there or picking him up when they release him, then called the ER. He had just arrived and they knew nothing. They said I could call back or they’d have him call me. Evidently either time warps considerably to me when something like this happens or the ambulance drivers drive S-L-O-W. I hung up and waves of nausea swept over me. I began to shiver. I took deep breaths and prayed. Short bursts of desperate prayer. My mind was racing, so coherent thoughts were few and far between. I pushed panic down and thought of my sleeping babies. God gave me a moment of peace so I could function. I posted a quick update asking for prayer on twitter, and then sat immobilized staring at the screen for nearly 15 minutes. Typically when I have something on my mind I write, so I tried to do what I do, but my fingers refused to try to expel the chaos in my mind. About 30 minutes later, he texted me ‘Good. I will call you soon.’ I could not control the tears of relief. Even with no details, just getting a text from him lifted such a weight.
I am now typing away while awaiting details…a phone call…a text…something. Something telling me all is well with my 28 year old husband’s heart. Something telling me we are going to be okay. Something telling me when our family will be back together and back to normal. Maybe it shouldn’t be ‘back to normal’. Maybe we should take inventory of our priorities. Maybe we should make some changes.
*NOTE* I will update this post as I receive information…
~UPDATE~ 12:57am
Greg called after being in the ER for over an hour saying that he had not been seen yet. His heart rate is down from 155 at rest to 75, and he thinks his blood pressure is down a bit from 160/120 but he isn’t sure what it is right now. He is still having irregular rhythms, but has calmed down a bit.
~UPDATE~ 1:24am
Greg texted that he still hasn’t been seen and his heart is ‘flopping’ more.
~UPDATE~ 3:08am
Greg texted that the Dr. just left him. He’s on some sort of med drip to slow his heart rate. The Dr. says the top chamber of his heart is not working properly and they are attempting to get it to kick back into normal rhythm. He will most likely need ongoing medication. Not sure when he will be discharged…hopefully soon.
~UPDATE~ 4:15am
Going to try to get some sleep. Dr. is now saying it is NOT SVT but something else. His heart is not going into normal rhythm even w/ meds. They are admitting him & are hoping it will go into normal rhythm on its own in the next few hours or they will put him to sleep and shock his heart to try to get it into normal rhythm. I am going to try to get some sleep.

0 thoughts on “Shattered

  1. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww all the kids are going off to school and mine are staying home!! What was I thinking??? LOL…

    Christmas is only 127 days away…. everyone should be preparing!!

    Sorry you had bad weather too – we had tornado warnings, watches around here…

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